The Rules

Rules of the Condescending Control Freak's Kitchen

No meal/dessert shall be prepared unaccompanied.

A kitchen soundtrack is paramount. The choice is yours. If you’re like my husband, you will theme your music to your food. Cooking Italian try some Sinatra. A little jazz for jambalaya. If you’re like me, (and god bless you if you are) then it’s anything you can sing at the top of your lungs for the duration of the cook time. ...and probably for the rest of the day/night... guys a sing a lot... like constantly... I’m not even sorry.

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Proper attire is a must.

One must be comfy enough to cook, and if you make a mess, (I mean, you don’t want to ruin your silk floral tank top that you just bought like a week ago or anything… not that I know what that’s like at all) Be comfortable yes, but for the love of god wear shoes or slippers or something, anything on your feet. In MY kitchen barefoot is not a thing. It’s just not. Nope. Never.

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Be clean.

I mean we’re buying people’s love with food hear people! You will never buy love with food poising! Wash those hands. And clean while you cook! You will thank me later promise.

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Guests in the kitchen are not required to help: (in fact if you're like me, their help, while appreciated, will stress you out completely.)

But guests ARE required to dance. Kitchen dance parties are a requirement. Stirring and grooving makes the food taste better. It just does.

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TASTE YOUR FOOD AS YOU GO.

All of my seasoning measurements are a baseline, it’s important to taste along the way and make it your own. I like spicy, tart and salty, you may like sweet or bland. And that’s ok. We can make this work I know it.

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Enjoy Yourself Damnit!

I firmly believe that your food reflects your mood. If you’re sad, your food is sad. (And maybe extra salty because of your tears.) If you’re angry, I can almost guarantee your food won’t come out. It may end up angrily tossed in the sink because you messed up your own recipe or something. It happens. But ultimately cooking can de-stress you, it can make you feel better. Use it.

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