Smoked Gouda Crackers
In an effort to make Mondays suck less, my husband and I have friends over for dinner most weeks.
Recently, I tricked those friends into doing most of the work for me, by hosting a "BYOC" (bring your own cheese party). I know! Genius right?!
Each person was to bring one cheese/meat.
The Mr. and I would provide crackers, bread, and various condiments.
A friend would inevitably buy more than we asked for.
Everyone would eat too much.
The end.
I know what you're thinking. This sounds particular "pinky out" and pretentious. You would be correct. I am not sorry. I mean guys, It's cheese.
The Condescending Control Freak side of me did wind up rearing her ugly head. She yelled at me for doing literally no work. She convinced me the only solution would be to make my own crackers. She was right. She always is. She thinks I should share the recipe. Again, she would be right. So here goes.
Ingredients:
1 8oz. block of smoked Gouda cheese
1/2 stick of butter (chilled and cut into teeny cubes)
1 cup of all-purpose flour
1 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 tsp. seasoned salt
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. smoked paprika (split in half)
1/4 tsp. liquid smoke (Okay, I know what you're thinking here. No normal person keeps this in their pantry. I get it. I do. But if you can promise to stop judging me, I will promise to provide you more recipes that utilize this ingredient. You will not have wasted your money. I mean what else did you expect from someone who throws a "bring your own cheese" party anyway).
1 tbsp. course sea salt
3 tbsp. ice water
Directions:
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
In a food processor (Yup. you read correctly. A food processor. This is really the only way I know how to do this. It's not like they are hard to come by. I literally just saw one on sale at the drug store), use the "shredy" (super technical term) attachment to shred the 8oz. block of smoked Gouda.
Remove the "shredy" attachment, and replace it with the blade attachment.
Add 1/2 stick of chilled, teeny cubed butter, cover with the lid (Yes. Yes, I did feel the need to tell you that, I am condescending and controlling after all), and pulse to mix.
(Remove lid...heehee), and add 1 cup of all purpose flour.
Add the 1 tbsp. garlic powder.
Add the 1/2 tsp. seasoned salt.
Add the 1/2 tsp. salt.
Add 1/2 tsp. of the smoked paprika (this is another one of those snooty ingredients, but I swear it's totally worth it).
add the 1/4 tsp. liquid smoke.
(Replace that lid), and pulse until the mixture resembles crumbly wet sand.
(Keep the lid on, but remove the stopper... yup we're mixing it up here), and add in your 3 tbsp. ice water.
(Replace the stopper, hehehe I make myself laugh with this), and blend until the mixture starts to form a ball.
Remove the ball of dough from the mixer and roll into a log or tube shape (kind of like those place and bake cookie tubes, but cheese, and better...).
Wrap your dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.
Have as many glasses of wine as you can consume in that 30-minute period (There is no wrong way to achieve this step).
This is also a good time to line some baking sheets with parchment paper.
At the 30-minute mark, remove your dough from the plastic wrap, and slice into thin disks.
NOTE: There is no right or wrong thickness here, I suppose it's a matter of preference. I would do 1/4 an inch or less. The thicker the cracker the longer it bakes. That's science kids!
It's also super important to try and make the crackers all the same thickness, and as even as possible. Ultimately, however, when this inevitably doesn't happen, because we're all annoyingly human, we can fix it in the baking process. I promise. I need you to trust me here.
Place the crackers on your lined baking dish spacing them as evenly as possible.
In a small bowl, mix together 1 tbsp. of course sea salt, with 1/2 tsp of smoked paprika.
Sprinkle the sea salt mixture on your crackers.
Bake for 17-20 minutes (It's important to keep an eye on these).
NOTE: Remember when I told you we had a contingency plan for the baking time? Well you are about to hear it, be totally underwhelmed by its logic, and relieved it exists.
At the 17-minute mark, remove your crackers from the oven to check if they are done. If some of the crackers are still soft and doughy (much like yours truly), remove all fully baked crackers to a tray to cool, and place the raw ones back in the oven. GASP! Amazing right?!?!
But what if the cracker is partially cooked and partially raw? Cook them some more!
Yes, they may over cook a little, but this makes them "rustic". People LOVE "rustic" things.
Toss those puppies in a mason jar, wrap em' in burlap, and call them "artisan". You can sell them on the internet. It's the "Ship-Lap" of the cracker world! That couple on HGTV with all the books and shows, will LOVE them. You will be winning at life. ...sorry... got caught up for a second... AHEM...
Once cooled, store in an airtight container.
Most importantly, soak in all the glory of having made crackers from scratch. People are SO impressed when you say this. It's SO much fun.
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