(Because I posted a picture and people went nutso over it)
Since the world is on fire, and I’m left to my own devices, I made it my personal challenge to master some of the favorite local foods, I haven’t been able to have delivered during Coron-a-geddon.
Once of those challenges was a treat, we locals call Bakery Pizza, or Deli Pizza, or Pizza strips or “that pizza everyone always had at parties when I was growing up, and I couldn’t get enough of it.”
So, I made it. Because I can do things like that now. Quarantine has turned me into a kitchen- witch (and kitchen-bitch), and I can conjure up whatever the hell I want bitches! (not so humble brag).
Now I know you don’t care why I made it, just that I did make it, and you’re sitting there waiting for me to tell you how I made it, and since you’re so impatience, Imma tell ya. Feel better, bossy pants?
Here is what you need:
For the dough (and yes, we’re making the dough. You could buy the dough, but like why though? It’s super easy and then you get to tell people you made the dough and they will be super impressed with you, even though it’s super easy, and that’s really why we do this anyway, is it not?).
-2 – 2 and 1/3 cups flour (all purpose is fine, which is good because I’m out of bread flour from my bagel making faze).
-2 and ¼ Tsp. active dry (like my wit) yeast (also known as 1 packet, but I have a giant bag of yeast so I’m stuck measuring all the things. It builds character or something… probably).
-1 and ½ Tsp. sugar (yes. Sugar, yeast eats that shit and that’s what makes your bread rise. Since yeast alive, I imagine it’s not considered vegan is it? You probably don’t know or care but suddenly, I’m super curious).
-2 Tbsp. Olive oil
-3/4 Cup Warm water (yes is must be warm. We’re doing chemistry here, and we just must accept it as it is).
-A generous (like me) pinch of salt.
For the Sauce: (we are saucy, so we love this part).
-1 (28 oz.) Can of crushed (like my 2020 spirits) tomatoes (I use fire roasted. They have a deeper more tomatoey flavor, and yeah, I know that sounds pretentious or whatever, but I am pretentious, and roasted tomatoes taste more tomatoey, so stop that judgment right now).
-1/4 Cup olive oil, plus a little more for the top of the pizza.
-1 Tsp. dried basil
-1 Tsp. dried parsley
-1 Tbsp. minced garlic (the kind in the jar in my fridge that professional chef’s judge, but I love, and they can’t take that away from me).
-1/4 cup (ish) finely grated parmesan cheese (It’s not a lot of cheese. This pizza is almost cheeseless. I promise it’s not a sin. Those of you who know this pizza will understand. Those of you who don’t, will learn).
NOTE: I used fresh off the block parm, because, again, I’m pretentious, but you could even use that weird, powdered shit here, I’ll allow it.
Ok! Let’s make dough! (sadly, this does not mean money).
NOTE: If you don’t have a stand mixer with a dough hook, (what the hell is wrong with you, you don’t know what you’re missing) you can kneed the it by hand. It’s a very soft sticky (ewww) dough, so you may need extra flour.
In a large bowl, or the bowl of your faithful stand mixer, add 1 Cup of the flour (yes, I know that’s not all the flour, be patient my pretties), 2 and ¼ Tsp. (one packet, for you non-bulk buying people), the 1 and ½ Tsp. sugar, and the pinch of salt. Mix with a spoon.
Add the 2 Tbsp. olive oil, and the warm water, and mix with that handy spoon again (don’t worry, we’ll get to that dough hook soon).
Add the next cup of flour a little at a time and mix with the dough hook until combined.
NOTE: This can be done with your hands if you don’t have the dough hook. It’s messy and annoying… like 2020.
If the dough is too sticky at this point, the remaining 1/3 cup of flour a little bit at a time, until it’s still soft, but only slightly sticky.
NOTE: If you feel you added too much flour, you can add more warm water, a drop or two at a time, until it feels right. (It’s pretty intuitive, as long as you have some semblance of kitchen instincts).
Form the dough into a ball and place in an oiled bowl. Cover tightly and allow to sit in a warmish area (super technical), for 30 minutes.
While the dough is rising (and that yeast is getting its snack on… so cool, so weird…), preheat your oven to 400 degrees.
While we’re waiting on the rising of the dough (oooo that sounds so dramatic!), and the preheating of the oven (oh yes we must phrase everything like this now!) let’s proceed with the making of the sauce (yesssssssssss!).
In a medium bowl (recipes always tell you what size bowl or pan to use, common sense would dictate, use a bowl you know can hold a 28 oz can of crushed tomatoes…. I suppose we mustn’t assume common sense though…) pour the 28 oz can of crushed tomatoes (I just accidentally typed cursed tomatoes… so that’s a thing), the ¼ cup olive oil, Tbsp. minced garlic, the 1 tsp. of dried basil and parsley, respectively, and mix to combine.
Set aside.
When the 30 minutes is over, line a 9X12 inch metal baking pan, or a half sheet pan with sides (sides are important, we need that to help form the crust. The crust is important, because sometimes the tomato sauce hits the edge and caramelizes and gets all delicious), Spray the sides and parchment with non-stick cooking spray, and spread the dough out covering the bottom of the pan and up the sides just a little (I should apologize for this being poorly described, but the truth is I’m not sorry… I think you can handle this. I have faith).
NOTE: Just make sure the dough is fairly thick (like me) and even (not like me) all around.
Dump (a word that just doesn’t belong in a recipe, but I’m using it anyway), the sauce on top and spread out evenly trying to leave some room for the crust, but if it goes over the edges some spots, it’s totally ok (that’s when that caramelized magic happens).
Sprinkle the parmesan cheese over the top of the sauce (reminding yourself that it’s OK that it’s not a lot of cheese… this isn’t normal pizza, and you need to trust the process).
Drizzle the top (or spray with a super cool olive oil spray bottle like the one I have) with olive oil, and bake for 20-25 minutes, until the edges are golden brown.
Allow to cool completely and cut into squares.
This pizza (much like revenge) is a dish best served cold.
… or at least room temperature.
ENJOY LOVES!
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