Caramel, Coconut Chocolate Chip Cookies

(Because those Girl Scouts don’t own the ingredients, ok?)

I love Girl Scout cookies. I mean, I’m a human being, how could I not?

Last year I went through my favorites and made them myself. It was A LOT of work… I mean like way too much work, like ughhhhhhh.

So when I decided I really wanted caramel delights, or Samoa’s or whatever the crap they’re called depending on your region or something like that, I thought why not just toss that shit into a chocolate chip cookie and call it a day?!

So I did.

They are delicious.

I am a genius.

Here is what you need:

-2 Sticks of (room temperature, because we were wise and let them soften) Butter (I use salted, because it both matches my personality, and makes a better cookie).

-3/4 Cup brown sugar (you can use light or dark, I mix it up depending on that I have. Yes, there is a difference. No, do not care).

-3/4 Cup granulated sugar (I have no snark to add here).

-1 Tsp. Vanilla extract (the real kind as we have discussed on many occasions, but it needs repeating because I am me).

-2 Large eggs (yes large. Like me).

-2 and ¼ cup flour (all purpose).

-1 Tsp. baking soda (that’s the one in the box and not the one in the little tin, unless you get it from Trader Joes and then it’s the one that says “baking soda” and not “baking powder”).

-1 Tsp. salt.

-1 and ½ cup toasted coconut (you can buy it pre-toasted, or you can toast it yourself, which is way better, because then your house smells like coconut and you can tell people you toasted it yourself, thus giving you a much needed smug sense of superiority).

-1 Cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (Look, I know I’m bitch this detail all the time, and ultimately you can do what you want, but in this case maybe actually listen to me, because these come out super sweet, and you need that hint of bitter, which by the way would be the name of my 90’s girl band).

-1 Cup caramel bits (this is NOT caramel chips. These are tiny little balls bade from actual chewy and delightful caramel and are just the right kind of sweet and are not at all weird and waxy).

OK! Let’s bake these bitches!

NOTE: my spell check just highlighted the word “bitches” and told me it may be offensive to some readers… are you offended bitches?

• Preheat your oven to 375 degrees (yay! We remembered).

• In a large bowl, sift (yes sift, because we’re fancy) together the 2 and ¼ cup flour, the 1 tsp. salt, and the 1 Tsp. baking soda into a bowl, and set aside.

• In the bowl if your stand mixer (come on guys, you have one by now right, if not I’m gonna assume you have giant forearms by now you beast) cream together (ugh never don’t hate that term) the two sticks of butter, the ¾ cup brown sugar (because it tastes so gooooood, yeah yeah yeah wooo… and I know you’re too young to get this reference, so I don’t know why I keep making it, but I do so deal with it), and the ¾ cup of granulated sugar.

• Once creamed (blegh), add in the two eggs one at a time (because you were smart and cracked them into a separate bowl to avoid any shell, because you do listen to me, and I am so proud), and the 1 tsp. vanilla extract, and mix to combine.

• When all the wet ingredients are mixed carefully add in the dry ingredients one scoop at a time, until completely mixed.

NOTE: I have recently taken to building a little towl igloo over my damn mixer because it just LOVES to shoot flour everywhich damn place and it makes me hostile… or more hostile…

• Once the dry ingredients are mixed in, one at a time, add in the 1 and ½ cup toasted (expertly by you… or not if you’re lazy)coconut, the 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips, and the 1 cup of caramel bits.

NOTE: this is a fuck ton of stuff. Use the mixer for this. If the chocolate chips break up, it’s totally fine. Also, they won’t. This has never happened to me; I think it’s a lie.

• Line some cookie sheets with silicone mats (please get them, they are amazing), or parchment which is also amazing, and scoop into (very technical) golf ball size, balls of dough , leaving a good amount of space between each.

NOTE: because these cookies are filled with so much stuff, they need to be big (like my mid-section) scoops, in order for there to be enough dough in each cookie.

• Bake for 11-12 minutes, until the edges are golden brown, and gorgeous (also like me), and allow to cool completely before removing from the cookie sheet.

Serve with milk.

These are bonkers good dunked in coffee.

Try and share some with Santa!

Who needs those girl scouts!