Because who the hell can find cannoli shells anyway?
So this one time, I decided I wanted to make cannolis (according to my spell-check, cannoli is both the singular AND plural form of this word. This makes me uncomfortable and therefore I am going to ignore the crap out of it and add the S like it’s my job).
I searched high and low (and by high and low, I mean went to a couple of grocery stores and then got pissed off and decided I was over it) for cannoli shells. Alas there were no shells to be found.
I was not going to make cannoli shells because I don’t care to fry things in my vent-less-kitchen.
So there I was, craving cannoli(s) MILES away from a decent bakery, rage crying in the baking aisle of my local grocery store, when my eyes met the ice cream cones… EURAKA!!! I shouted (totally never happened but I’ve really always wanted to do that and this is MY story not yours… so there!) SUGAR CONES ARE PERFECT!
NOTE: I’m not going to sit here and pretend that this was my own invention. I’m sure there are countless recipes on your Pinterest for this very thing. But in this moment, the idea was ALL mine and your Pinterest page doesn’t exist. I’m NOT apologizing for it.
Are you ready to prepare my MY idea? Let’s do it!
Here is what you need:
-1 package of 12 sugar cones (Fun fact, my filling recipe is enough for 24, so buy two packs (not to be confused with Tupac or 2Pac) and feed a crowd. I should have. I didn’t. But it should also be noted that these will not keep once assembled so make them as you need them!).
-1 (32 oz.) container of part skim ricotta cheese (Why part skim? Because team, I’m super round and I have to taste these things. We mustn’t make the roundness worse!).
-1 (8 oz.) container of mascarpone cheese (this doesn’t come in part skim. This is why I’m round).
- The zest of 1 orange (Guys, we talked about buying a “zester” if you haven’t listened to me by now, I don’t know how to help you).
-1 tsp. vanilla extract (I used to not add this. It’s WAY worth it. I make wise choices).
-2 (heaping) tbsp. powdered sugar (1. Powdered is mandatory, it needs to dissolve. 2. You can add more if you want. This is not a sweet dessert. I am sweet enough … I’m not really but we’re going with it. Really though gang I think less is more in this situation).
-1 bag of mini chocolate chips (and yes friends, size does matter).
OK. Begin the arduous (not even a little bit but we can lie and tell people it was arduous because it’s a fun word and it makes us look good) task of making “Cone”olies.
In a small microwave safe dish, heat half the bag of mini chocolate chips in said microwave, 10 seconds at a time, stirring in between, until completely melted (this was wordy and annoying to type so I can only imagine what it’s like reading it. HA!).
In a separate bowl, add the rest of the mini chocolate chips.
Add one spoonful of the melted chocolate into the bottom of the cone (a step that leads to a delightful surprise at the end of your cannoli… A happy ending if you will… but not in like a weird massage parlor way… unless you want it to be… which is weird but “you do you”, friend).
Dip the open edge of the cone in the melted chocolate and then dip immediately into the chocolate chips (This is also a poorly worded direction but I never claimed to be a writer).
Set the cones on a tray and place in the refrigerator to set up (It should be noted that for the life of me, I cannot spell the word refrigerator and have to use spell check every-damn-time!). This will take at least an hour (which is less time than it will take me to learn how to spell).
While your cones are chilling in the fridge like the cool kids that they are, let’s making the filling.
In a large bowl, add the container of ricotta cheese, the container of mascarpone cheese, the tsp. vanilla extract, the zest of one whole orange and 2 heaping tbsp. confectioners (fancy name for powdered) sugar and stir to combine (phew! You make it? I know that was super tough!).
Scoop the filling into a large zip lock bag (trying very hard not to eat it all before cannoli time) and store in the refrigerator (nope still didn’t get it right) until it’s time to serve.
REMINDER: Once filled, the cannoli(s) must be eaten that same night, or day (Who am I to assume you only eat cannoli(s) at night? Pfffft I’m so rude). They will get all soft and gross if left to their own devises (kinda like me).
When you are ready to serve, cut the corner of the plastic bag and pipe (fancy word for squeeze out the filling) into the prepared cones (prepared cones being one of those fun band names I love to come up with).
You may top with additional chocolate chips (if you’re feeling sassy) or serve as is.
Store any unused filling in the refrigerator (still nope) and use within a week. Make more “cone”olies. Spread it on a bagel. Squirt it in your mouth (a gross sentence to type). There is no wrong answer here kids!!!
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