French Onion Soup

(Because it’s the best of all the soups and I don’t care if you disagree).

We are in full fall food mode (oh yeah… we love that alliteration. Its sooo good) around here.

For me, this basically means turning any and everything I can find into a soup. Soup is delicious.

Soup is filling. Soup is warm. Soup is like a hug when you need a hug (but never when you don’t because hugs should be consensual at all times, since some of us don’t like to be touched by randoms or whatever).

… … … soup…

So let’s stop talking about soup, and let’s make my favorite of all the soups!

Its savory, it’s cheesy (in like a food way not in like a bad joke kind of way), it has booze in it. It checks ALL the boxes.

AND if you’re vegetarian it can be made meat free! Woo! We’re all winners here!

Here is what you will need.

-6 Large (like this gal) onions, sliced into strips (I would explain how to do this, but I’m simply too tired and I think you’ve got this, but if you don’t, peel the onion, cut in half, and then slice into strips… or something like that).

-4 Tbsp. olive oil (plus possibly a little more depending on how absorbent your onions are… also absorbent onions, amazing band name).

-3 Tbsp. butter (but just like the olive oil we need to keep the butter at the ready just in case! I mean emergency butter is not only an awesome band name, but just a good life choice).

-1 Tsp. of sugar (This is a cheat I use when caramelizing onions. I will need you to not judge me. Trust me it helps. Onion caramelizing is tedious to say the least. Worth it for sure, but tedious… like this post).

-½ Cup dry (like my humor) sherry (not cooking sherry! Real sherry! Don’t be cheap).

NOTE: you can also use dry vermouth. I used sherry. We all have to make choices in life. I made the right one, but you do you.

-8 Cups (2 boxes) low sodium beef broth or stock (please don’t ask me the difference, I learn and forget every time).

NOTE: you can substitute mushroom broth here. I would suggest this over regular veggie broth because you want that rich deep meaty flavor, and everyone knows mushrooms are the meat of the vegetable world. Science.

-2 Tsp. minced garlic (and yes the jarred stuff is fine with me as you all know).

-2 Tsp. Thyme (dried or fresh, it doesn’t matter… Thyme is on your side after all… … … ooof. That was bad even for me).

-2 Bay leaves (leafs???)… (Which you will remember to remove, when I forget to remind you later).

-Salt and pepper to taste (because I like this soup on the salty side but you may be sensitive or something).

-Some kind of crusty bread (French bread would make the most sense kiddos… I mean clearly).

-8 oz. Gruyere or Swiss (but really Gruyere) cheese, shredded.

NOTE: This ingredient is more important than the onions. French Onion Soup without the Gruyere is like a day without sunshine. It’s like not breathing. It’s like a week without a blog post from your favorite condescending foodie! (I would imagine). It’s just not OK!

-3 Tbsp. Fresh parsley (all minced-n’shit. It’s for garnish. Make it pretty).

OK LET’S MAKE SOUP!

• Heat a large pot (like a fancy cast iron-enameled Dutch oven, or regular Dutch oven, or soup pot or whatever you have that’s big enough), over low heat.

• Add the 2 Tbsp. olive oil, 2 Tbsp. butter, and your onions to the pan, and stir to ensure they are all covered.

• Add a little bit of salt and pepper and stir again (It’s good to add seasoning to each layer to build flavor. At least that’s what they tell me).

• Continue to cook your onions on low, stirring as necessary. Add more oil/butter if it dries out too much (sometimes dry bad. Like in a pan. But not with wit or wine).

NOTE: it’s crucial to keep an eye on this. Adjust the temp as necessary, DO not let the onions burn! I will be SO mad at you! Low and slow is the name of the game. I demand patience with this recipe!

• After about 15 minutes (yeah that’s a long time! And we’re not even done, you need to chill out, have some wine), add the remaining 1 tbsp. butter and the remaining 2 tbsp. olive oil, the 2 tsp. minced garlic, and the 2 tsp. time (fresh or dry… see dry good here), and stir some more.

• Keep babysitting the onions adding any oil or butter that may be needed, which shouldn’t be much if any at all at this time.

• After 15 more minutes, add in the 1 tsp. sugar and continue to stir for about 10-15 more minutes (and yes! I know. This is taking too long. But good things come to those who wait! If you didn’t want to cook you shouldn’t have started it! And I say this so aggressively because I cannot tell you how many times I have started cooking and decided I didn’t want to any more but have come too far… we must power through!).

• Add in the ½ cup of dry (good dry) sherry and cook for a minute or two.

• Add in the 8 cups (2 boxes) of beef stock (or broth or what-the-hell ever you have), the two bay leaves (leafs??? Ugh I don’t know!) , stir.

• Add more salt and pepper (because you tasted it and now know what it needs because you’re good like that).

• Cover the pot, and pick up the heat a teeny bit. Simmer for 30 more minutes (yup more time! Live with it! There will be soup!), stirring occasionally.

• When the soup is almost done cooking, slice your (French because we love a theme) bread into thin slices, (depending on how many bowls of soup you are serving) with a pile of the Gruyere (or Swiss if we failed at cheese shopping) cheese, and pop in the broiler for like a minute or so (WATCH IT! DON’T LET YOUR CHEESE BURN!).

NOTE: if you don’t have a broiler setting in your oven (or just don’t know how to use it), you can bake it until the cheese is melted.

• Remove those pesky bay leaves (leafs??? ACK!), because they are inedible and dangerous or something. (I REMEMBERED)!

• Ladle (because you should have a ladle, we make a lot of soup around here) the soup into their respective bowls or mugs or whatever, and top each with your melty cheese bread.

• Sprinkle that minced parsley (that you thought I forgot about but I didn’t of course) over the top of each bowl.

• Pour yourself another glass of wine (because you earned if after all the being patient shit), and enjoy the hell out of this soup because it’s best of all the soups.

• Write me letters or emails of adoration because this soup brought you so much joy and you needed to celebrate me as a result.

BONUS FUN FACT: I used the leftover soup to make a French Onion Gravy the next day and poured it over turkey meat loaf because I am in fact a genius!

(Follow any gravy recipe, make your roux, and add the soup in lieu of stock or broth!).