(Because just titling this post “meatballs” felt dirty)
Every year on Christmas Eve I host an open house. I serve a pasta bar because it’s easy, inexpensive, and a good way to feed a crowd. Also Pasta.
In addition to the pasta and various sides, I always ensure that there are meatballs. It seems like a requirement. It would be wrong NOT to serve them.
But let’s face it. Meatballs can be super boring. Balls of meat. Which isn’t super appetizing. So I decided to jazz it up.
How? You ask. Well I’ll tell you (because otherwise this post will come to a screeching halt). In an effort to add some richness and a savory edge, I added ground pepperoni to the ground beef! YUP pepperoni!
Why you ask? (Damn, you ask a lot of questions). WELL because a pal of mine once ordered a meatball sub with pepperoni on it, and it made perfect sense to me. And adding salted cured meat to most things can only improve them right?
Here is what you need:
NOTE: This recipe was to feed a crowd. You can cut it in half if you need to, OR make them all and freeze them for another time. Then you get to be one of those organized meal prep people that I pretend to hate, but am actually super jealous of.
-3 lb. ground beef (something like 80/20, with a decent fat content. Fat is flavor. …incidentally I must be delicious. Which is a weird thing to say, but I am not taking it back).
-1 package of sliced pepperoni (that you have pulsed in the food processor, which I trust you have by now).
-3 large eggs (that have been beaten like my spirit. They mix in easier this way).
-¾-1 cup bread crumbs (this is going to depend on the moisture content of your meat. …I can see here that there is no way to say anything in this recipe without sounding inappropriate, we are going with it).
-1 Tbsp. Olive oil (plus a little more for drizzling before they bake).
-1 Tbsp. Oregano (dried, like my winter skin… I wanted to say wit but I use that one all the time, and I know it’s a gross comparison, but meh it’s Christmas, I’m tired. Cut me some slack).
-2 Tbsp. (fresh, which is annoying but just so much better), minced parsley.
-1 Tbsp. (fresh, see above), minced basil.
-1 large onion (that you minced super finely in that handy food processor).
NOTE: add the onion, basil, and parsley to the food processor at the same time and kill three birds with one stone (please don’t actually kill birds with rocks, that’s super mean).
-2 Tsp. onion powder.
-2 Tsp. Thyme.
-2 Tsp. Salt (Pepperoni is pretty salty so be super careful, we don’t want to make people bloated. All the booze they have been drinking for the holidays will have that part covered).
-2 Tsp. black pepper (or in my case, as much pepper as you could get out of the pepper grinder before your hand got tired and you got annoyed and quit).
-1 heaping scoop of minced garlic (the kind from the jar, that real chef’s judge people for using).
OK darlings, let’s make meatballs.
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
In a sauce pan, heat a small amount of olive oil (separate from the oil I told you about earlier, because I’m an asshole), sauté the onions, parsley, basil and garlic.
Once the onions are softened and sort of translucent (which has always been a weird descriptor to me) add in the ground pepperoni.
Continue to sauté this mixture just long enough for the pepperoni to release its oils (also a weird thing to say in a recipe) and then set the mixture aside to cool.
In a large bowl, place the 3 lbs. ground beef, the 3 large (beaten like my soul) eggs, the Tbsp. olive oil, the Tbsp. oregano, 2 tbsp. fresh (like me) parsley, 1 tbsp. fresh basil, 2 tsp. onion powder, 2 tsp. thyme, 2 tsp. salt, all the pepper you are able to grind, or ya know 2 tsp. (basically dump a bunch of shit in a bowl), and SMOOOOSH with your hands (which you better have washed!).
Add the ¾ - 1 cup bread crumbs, depending on how moist (ugh that word though) your meat is (gross sentence btw), and smoooosh with your hands again (yes. Smooosh is a technical culinary word).
Add your cooled pepperoni and onion mixture and get to smoooshing one more time.
When everything is just incorporated (do NOT over mix. No one wants tough balls of meat), roll into golf-ball sized balls, and place on a baking sheet that has been lined with tinfoil, and sprayed with the cooking spray I failed to tell mention you needed.
Drizzle the top of the balls of meat (hehehe) with olive oil and bake for 30 minutes.
NOTE: You can serve these with jarred sauce like I do. I just sauté onions and garlic in olive oil and a little red wine, add some oregano, crushed red pepper, fresh parsley and basil, and then add it to the jarred sauce so it tastes homemade. If it’s too tarte, add some sugar.
Serve over pasta, serve as an appetizer. Serve in sammiches (sandwiches for those of you who don’t appreciate my slang).
You can’t go wrong!
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