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“I’m Too Drunk to go Home Yet” Turkey Burgers.

I mean… Cajun Chipolte Turkey Burgers…


Because sometimes you need to soak up with alcohol but you still have standards.




Once upon a time, in a far off kingdom (and by far off, I mean a 20 minute or so drive from my house in the neighboring state), there was my favorite restaurant.



We loved this restaurant. We ate at this restaurant at least once a month. We grew to know and love the staff of this restaurant. We would sit at the bar after our glorious dinner, and drink and chat until the place closed around us.



It would be around that time that we would realize just how potent those espresso martinis were and would need to take some time, eat something bad for us and wait it out until we were ready to go home.



As luck would have it, there was a tiny little burger joint next door to this magical restaurant that specialized in craft beer and best of all sliders!



Sadly my favorite restaurant has since closed and as a result, I have had no need to pop over to the slider shoppe (I added the extra p and the e for whimsy). This has left me craving their turkey burger sliders on more than one occasion.



Could I take the 20 minute drive to the neighboring state? Sure I could. But I could also try to replicate this burger and then write an annoying blog post about it to meet this week’s self-set deadline! Congratulations to you because that’s exactly what this is.



Now I know what you’re thinking (or at least I pretend to know what you’re thinking and don’t much care if I’m wrong)… You’re thinking “why the crap are you paying homage to the turkey burger served in the restaurant next door to your favorite restaurant, rather than something they served themselves.



Well kids, I had these ingredients in my house… so suck it. We will leave a tribute to my fave for another day.



You’re also thinking (which you should just stop doing because thinking gets us all in trouble) “Um CCF… (Because you call me CCF obviously) turkey burgers are dry and gross. What the hell are you doing here?



Well kids, I like turkey burgers. And if you think for one solid second that I would serve a dry turkey burger, you’re more foregone that I thought! Sheesh.




OK. Now that we have gotten that out of our systems, here is what you will need:




-1 1b. Ground Turkey (don’t get the fat free stuff here that’s where that dryness comes from. And as we have discussed several times around here, we like our wit dry, our martinis dry and our wine dry and that’s about it).



-1 small onion, finely grated or minced super fine (like me) in the food processor.



-1 and ½ tsp. Cajun seasoning (we like things spicy! It’s a ginger thing as I have said).



-½ a cucumber thinly sliced (I like the cut up the rest, mix it with feta, olive oil, salt, pepper and vinegar. It’s a delicious salad and I just gave you a recipe within a recipe which makes me overly generous and just so wonderful no?).



-Thinly sliced red onion (which is optional I just like it).


-4-5 slices of American cheese (sometimes I get 4 burgers out of 1 lb. other times I get 5. This makes me nuts. I’m making full sized burgers here because sliders are tedious but if you chose to make sliders, more cheese slices will be necessary… naturally).



-¼ (or so) cup Mayonnaise (We’re making a sauce! Woo!).



-Chipotle seasoning (you can also use the adobo sauce from a can of chipotle peppers. You can also buy chipotle mayo and add lemon and more mayo as needed. Do what feels right to you... I guess).


NOTE: This shit is spicy team. I’m going to defer to you on how much you add. I would say start with a teaspoon and taste. If it’s too hot add more mayo. Too mild add a little at a time until you have reached your desired heat level. Don’t forget the Cajun seasoning in the burgers will have some heat too. It’s all about balance bitches! (Maybe we can’t have balance in our lives. Maybe I can’t even balance on my own two feet… I fall a lot… but we WILL have balance in our sauce!).



-Fresh Lemon Juice (about a tsp. but again it depends on your sauces heat level so taste and add just like before).


NOTE: You will notice I did not add salt and pepper. This is one of those crazy rare occasions I will not have you add them. The Cajun seasoning is very salty on its own. If you feel you need more because you want your food to taste like a salt-lick, than have at it!

-Olive Oil (about a tbsp. for the burger and 1 tbsp. for the pan).



-The buns of your choosing (which is such a fun sentence!) (I grilled these in a pan because that’s the kind of person I am…its optional)




OK! Let’s make burgers bitches!




For the patties:



  • Take the 1 lb. of turkey, the 1 & ½ tsp. Cajun seasoning, the finely grated onion and the 1 tbsp. olive oil in a bowl.



  • With your hands (because we’re not such delicate flowers that we can’t smoosh raw turkey between our fingers) mix the ingredients together being careful to incorporate everything but stopping before you over-mix your meat (which just sounds filthy).



  • Split the mixture into 4-5 pieces and press into patties (because I’m such a control freak, I use a burger press. It’s cheap and plastic and worth it because everything is even and I like that. IF you buy one because I have one and it will make you so cool if you do, spray it with cooking spray before pressing… Just a little pro tip for ya because I care).



  • Place the patties in a covered container and refrigerate while you make up your sauce. This helps them set up a little. They are going to be fragile (like my ego) since we didn’t use a binding agent. But we don’t want dry burgers so please trust me for once.




For the sauce: (I want you to know that I just spelled sauce wrong. What is wrong with me?!).




  • Take ¼ cup mayo, the amount of chipotle seasoning or adobo you chose to add, and the tsp. or so lemon juice into a small bowl and mix. TASTE IT to make sure it’s balanced. When it’s where you want it to be, set aside in the refrigerator to chill.


NOTE: The flavors will develop more as it sits, so you may want to taste it one more time before placing it on your burgers. (I hate that I feel compelled to tell you to taste your food. This is who I am. If you don’t love me at my controlling, you can’t have me at my condescending… that makes sense right?).



  • In a decent sized frying pan (preferably one with a lid because we’re gonna do some covering stuff), preheat the remaining tbsp. of olive oil on medium heat.



  • When the pan is sufficiently hot (it sizzles if splashed with a little bit of water) add the chilled burgers and cook for about 5 minutes.



  • After the 5 minute mark, carefully flip your burgers and cook for about 1 minute (yes this sounds weird. And yes I’m going somewhere with this).



  • After this minute passes (we were trying to get some gorgeous browning done on the other side of the burger because we like browning), lower the heat, pour in about ¼ cup water and cover the pan. Cook for another 5 minutes.


NOTE: Remember we talked about dryness (and not in a weird lotion commercial kind of way)? This is where we maintain moisture while cooking the turkey fully through. We do NOT serve medium rare poultry on this website! We like our friends and loved ones and don’t want to kill them… mostly.



  • After the 5 minutes mark you can check the center for doneness (pink bad. Not pink good).



  • Once the burgers are fully cooked, add the cheese to the top, turn off the heat completely and add the lid back to aid in the melting process (one must always aide in the melting process. I think it was one of The Ten Commandments… Thou shall always aide in cheese meltage… I think that’s how it went).







  • Spread the chipotle mayo sauce situation on both sides of the bun (that you should just grill because it’s better but whatever), add the burger, and then top with three or so thinly sliced cucumbers. Add or don't add red onions (it's your call... but add them).


NOTE: Yeah it’s a weird topping. ”Drunk” me was all about it. Turns out “sober me” is here for it too! No lettuce, no tomatoes. Nothing but sauce and cucumbers. It works. Stop judging!






The cucumbers cool the heat from the Cajun seasoning and the chipotle. The lemon juice adds brightness. The way I see if, if I can pretentiously describe it such as this it’s a total win!



Is it an exact replica of the burgers from my drunken heyday? No. Are they exactly what I needed to keep me from driving 20 minutes to the neighboring state? Hell yeah they are! Are they actually delicious in and of themselves? OMG YES! Stop grilling me already!

Just enjoy them.






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