(Because I can’t leave the damn house and we all need comfort food).
NOTE: I tried to make an icing “isolation” joke, but nothing was working… (kinda like me!)
The world right now kinda sucks. We cannot sugar coat it even a little bit. BUT we can add sugar to butter and flour and make the time pass and comfort our souls a little. So, let’s do it shall we?
I had yeast in the house. I’ve never really made anything like this before, so I decided to do my research and give it a try. The result? Dense (like me), cakey (kinda also like me I think), and sweet (very much like me) rolls of heaven.
It’s a lot of steps. None of them are hard (that is NOT what she said), and we have nothing but time right now anyway.
Here is what you need:
For the dough:
-1 Cup milk (warmed. Not boiling, just like not hot and not cold, which is pretty much what warm means).
-2 Large (room temperature) eggs.
-1/3 Cup of (melted) butter (if you look at the stick it will show you what that means… also, that may be what she said).
-4 and ½ cups AP (all purpose to you all who don’t know yet) flour.
-1 Tsp. salt.
-1/2 cup of sugar (because yeast eats sugar, and this is what makes bready things fluffy like yours truly).
-and other ½ cup warm milk for the end (which is weird but just let it happen).
For the Filling:
-1 Stick (1/2 cup) butter (super soft like my midsection).
-1 Cup of packed brown sugar (because it tastes so good. And if you don’t get that reference, I’m sad).
-2 Tbsp. cinnamon (because they are cinnamon rolls after all).
For the Icing:
-4 oz. Cream cheese (the whole fat kind kids, we’re in an international crisis, lets get crazy).
-3 Tbsp. Softened butter (yeah there is a lot of butter. But it’s like end of days and all that shit).
-1 Cup powdered sugar.
-1 splash of milk (depends on how thick the icing is, and how thick you like it, and yes that again what she said).
-2 Tsp. vanilla extract (go big or go home kids, oh we are home. Go big and STAY home kids).
-1 Tbsp. Maple Syrup (because we really don’t have enough ingredients here).
OK just to recap, because I feel like it’s super important, here is all of what you need in total.
Butter: in total 2 sticks (I used salted, it felt necessary).
Milk: 1 and ½ cups plus one splash.
Sugar: 1 cup brown, ½ cup granulated, and 1 cup powdered.
Eggs: 2.
Yeast: 1 packet (instant).
Flour: 4 and ½ cups.
Salt: 1 tsp.
Vanilla extract: 2 tsp.
Maple syrup: 1 tbsp.
Cream Cheese: 4 oz.
Cinnamon: 2 tbsp.
…PHEW I think that’s all!...
OK Let’s start this multi-step journey, that feels like it’s not worth it, but I promise you it Is.
To make the Rolls:
In a large bowl (like the one of your stand mixer, because that will be SO helpful here) add the 1 cup of warm (remember not hot and not cold, if you are unsure, ask Goldie Locks, that bitch knows warm) milk and sprinkle the packet of instant yeast on top.
Add in your melted butter, 2 beaten eggs, 1 tsp. salt, ½ cup granulated sugar, and 4 of the cups of flour, into the bowl, and mix until barely combined.
Allow to sit and soak itself (I don’t know how else to explain it, and this description is really gross, but whatever) for about 5 minutes.
Switch your mixer attachment to the dough hook (or you can knead by hand for 7 minutes but like why), add the remaining ½ cup flour, and knead the dough for 5-7 (aka 6?) minutes.
Once the dough is all combined (it will be all stretch and sticky-like) remove from the mixer and place in a greased bowl (I used more butter for this because why the hell not), cover with a kitchen towel, and allow to sit and rise (wink wink) for 30-40 minutes.
NOTE: It’s important for the room to be warm. I preheated the oven to warm, and then turned it off and left it in there for a while.
The Filling:
While the dough is rising, add the stick of softened butter into a bowl, with 1 cup of brown sugar, and 2 tbsp. cinnamon, mix to combine. Set aside.
Once the dough has doubled in size (like I probably will by the end of this quarantine), lay out a piece of parchment or a silicone mat (which you should get because they are amazing), and spread flour over the surface so the dough doesn’t stick.
Place the dough on the mat, sprinkle a little flour over the top, add some flour to your rolling pin, and roll the dough out to be about the size of the mat.
Spread the filling evenly and all over the rolled-out dough.
Once the filling is evenly spread (and please for the love of God make it even so my OCD brain can rest easy for a minute), it’s time to roll this bitch. And I am having a hard time finding a way to explain it. So, work with me here, and if all else fails, google it, I guess.
The goal here is to make this into a log (and no food should be described this way, but meh it’s all I got).
Starting at one side (You can use the mat to help you here) tightly tuck the edge in and roll making sure everything is even, and you end seam side down (sort of like you’re rolling a towel like they do in hotels or something, I don’t know. This is not my best work here).
Slice your log (ugh) into 12 even pieces, and place in a buttered baking dish. I used a casserole dish for this.
Cover with a towel again and allow to rise for another 20-30 minutes.
NOTE: I preheated the over to 375 at this time and let this sit on top of the stove so it’s nice and warm).
Once the rolls have risen, pour ½ cup warm (insert other Goldie Locks joke here) milk over the top of all the rolls, allowing it to seep in and run down the sides (this seems weird, but it works so shut up OK?).
Bake at 375 for 19 minutes, until golden brown and oozy (technical term).
While these are cooling you can make the glaze. (mmmmmmm glaze).
The Glaze:
Take your 4 oz. softened cream cheese (yeah you should soften it, I feel like that’s common sense but like who even knows anymore), 3 tbsp. (softened obviously) butter, 1 cup powdered sugar, 2 tsp. vanilla extract, and 1 tbsp. maple syrup. Mix to combine.
If the glaze is too thick, add in a splash of milk, until you get the consistency you want.
Once the cinnamon rolls are cool, spread all that delicious sexy glaze on top of the rolls (somehow covering yourself in it too because you’re a damn mess).
There. We did it. It was a lot. It kept us occupied. AND now we have cinnamon rolls so that’s a win for us!
These are great with coffee. These are great for breakfast or dessert. These are great as a meal replacement when you need to stress eat because the world feels weird.
These are comfort. Enjoy them. Be safe and stay the hell inside friends!
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