(Because all the food blogs seem to be doing lamb meatballs this week and I want to be different and I swear I made mine first and I know this is a run-on sentence and I don’t care one bit!!!).
You guys! I seem to be half a step ahead of the food trend for each week. When I make lava cakes on a Sunday and post about it on a Thursday, one of my fave bloggers has that shit up on their page on Wednesday!
When I made Ice box cake on Sunday and posted about it on Wednesday (trying to step up my game) someone posts one on Tuesday!
I can’t win! I wanna be first damn it!!!
One good thing that comes from this however, is that all important (because I’m needy as shit) validation that I’m doing something right and have my finger on the proverbial food pulse. This softens the blow to my ever-so fragile ego and allows me to keep going even though better bloggers are doing it first and better and for more views.
We’re not here for the views kids, we are here for the food! We love it! We’re gonna keep making it! We’re gonna keep writing about it even if no one is listening!
Which is why this week, when I decided on Saturday to make lamb sliders on Monday for a friend who loves lamb and I missed terribly (yes I am capable of genuine emotion but feelings are stupid so shut up about it OK?), I decided to go ahead with this post even when TWO of my favorite food blogs were all up in some sort of lamb situation by Monday night.
So without further ado (yeah it makes me sound old when I say things like this, so what! You wanna fight???).
Here is what you need.
-2 Lbs. ground lamb (This could be hard to find so you may have to do what I did and keep muttering profanities under your breath because you really wanted to make this and keep walking up and down the meat aisle willing the lamb to be there and fighting with that one woman who just won’t friggen move and then eventually the lamb will manifest because you just needed a win that day).
NOTE: this will make roughly 14 or so sliders.
-1 small onion (finely minced like in the food processor so that it’s almost some sort of onion puree but not quite because that would be ridiculous).
-2 tbsp. olive oil.
-1 and ½ tbsp. Cumin (1 tbsp. for the meat and ½ tbsp. for the onion thing we’re gonna make to put in the meat when we get to that part of the recipe so but we’re not there yet so calm down and be patient).
-1 and ½ tbsp. Coriander (see cumin for dividing instructions).
3 tsp. ground mint (because it’s lamb obviously).
-2 tsp. Salt and Pepper respectively (also see cumin for that nonsense).
-¼ cup Ketchup (I mean we’re fancy so our ketchup should be fancy on its own but truth be told I genuinely don’t know why fancy ketchup is called fancy ketchup nor do I much care because I buy name brand since I am in fact a snob).
-2 (healthy) splashes of Worcestershire sauce (I accidentally added more than I intended and liked it so hey! Happy accident… kind of like me).
-2 tsp. minced garlic (yup as we have discussed many times before and will continue to discuss in the future, jarred is totally fine. We hate having garlic fingers).
-Some kind of small bun situation (which is a situation I as a person am not familiar with…).
There! That’s not even a lot of stuff. I’m actually proud of that.
Now we cook!
In a small frying pan, heat 1 tbsp. olive oil (I know I didn’t tell you we were dividing the oil but some things should be a surprise right? Also I was just too lazy to scroll up and type it here so I’ll mock myself for it here with 7 times as many words as it would have taken just to add it up top).
Add the 1 small minced onion, 2 tbsp. minced garlic, ½ tbsp. cumin, ½ tbsp. coriander, 1 tsp. salt and 1 tsp. of pepper.
Add the 2 (healthy which is a kind and gentle way of saying ‘big fat”) splashes of Worcestershire sauce and a tbsp. or so of that ¼ cup ketchup (that I also forgot to tell you would be divided).
Sautee this mixture until the onions are soft and set aside to cool.
In a large bowl (yeah sorry guys size matters here. We need to hold 2 lbs. of meat. Insert all your euphemisms here), add the 2 lbs. ground lamb, 1 tbsp. cumin, 1 tbsp. coriander, 3 tsp. mint and 1 tsp. (each) of salt and pepper.
Mix (with your hands don’t be so prissy) to combine.
Once the onion mixture is cool add to the lamb and mix (again with your hands, you see why I allowed you to let the onions cool off to protect your delicate fingers?! I added mine in right from the stove because that’s the kind of gal I am!).
Once all the ingredients are just combined (but not over-mixed and moooshy) divide the mixture into 14 (or so, it’s really tough to say because I’m not there doing it for you and I can’t be sure you know what an actual golf ball size looks like even though it should be obvious), golf ball size balls of meat (good band name? yes? No? We’ll think about this one) and press into a fairly thick patty (Thick Patty was my nick name in prison…).
Press a dent into the middle of each patty (because that’s what they tell us to do on TV and who are we to say otherwise).
Heat up a grill pan or grill (or skillet or frying pan if you’re still grill-less) to medium-high heat (a temp that exists but makes me hostile because it’s so damn vague).
Spray with cooking spray or oil (neither of which I included in my list of ingredients because come on guys! Do I really have to think of everything???).
Place the sliders on the preheated cooking device of your choosing and leave alone for 5 minutes.
NOTE: LEAVE THEM ALONE! Do not poke at them. Do not press them. Do not move them on the pan or grill. Leave those bitches be! It’s for the best.
After 5 minutes, flip the sliders and leave alone for another 5 minutes (See above note for the necessary scolding).
Once this is done allow the sliders to rest for 2 minutes (oh hey! Yeah remember my note from before? It applies here to!).
NOTE: You can cut a tiny slice in one of the sliders if you are scared you didn’t cook them right, and if they are slightly pink to fully cooked but still juicy, you are a winner! IF they are too pink and that scares you, slap then back on the heat for a few (again leaving them the hell alone). Lamb is OK to be served on the rare side but I wouldn’t go too rare with the ground stuff.
Serve these on tiny dinner rolls or slider buns, or whatever the hell you want really.
We topped ours with my “oh so delicious” tzatziki (find the recipe here! https://www.thecondescendingcontrolfreak.com/thecondescendingcontrolfreak/tzatziki-yogurt-cucumber-dip-with-dill ), and our pickled red onions (also see recipe here! https://www.thecondescendingcontrolfreak.com/thecondescendingcontrolfreak/quick-pickled-onions).
Ooooh! I love when my recipes all blend into one gorgeous and sexy food super model. That’s weirdly thrilling for me and maybe I need to get out more.
Either way. Make them. Eat them. Enjoy then. The end.
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