(Because it’s the only way).
It’s summer in New England. This means it’s seafood season.
One day recently a friend dropped of a surprise lobster roll and since that day I cannot get enough.
When it comes to this summer delicacy, I have very strict rules. Any variation from these rules would be a heinous and unforgivable crime.
You may have your lobster rolls one of two ways.
Plain with a small amount of clarified butter.
OR
My preferred way, Lobster Salad.
This is a very simple recipe. It takes very little time, but it you mess it up, or change it in any way, you are in fact dead to me. No pressure.
Here is what you need.
-Lobster meat, Claws, knuckles, and tail (1 good sized lobster will make two rolls or so).
NOTE: You can buy lobsters already shelled, it’s stupidly expensive, but shelling a lobster, is grosssssss so if you’re squeamish, this may be for you. You can buy a lobster and steam it yourself which I find terrifying because I am actually afraid of live lobsters due to a dream I had once as a child… Or you can buy them at the seafood counter, and most of the time they can steam those ugly fuckers for you right then and there.
-New England style hot dog buns (hell yes, they have to be the New England style split top buns or you will be wrong. End of story).
-1 Tsp. mayonnaise (in fact this may even be too much. I don’t know. It’s more like the idea of mayo. The suggestion of mayo. If you look at it and think, I don’t think this will be enough mayonnaise, you have added too much…).
NOTE: This amount is based on 1 lobster and 2 sandwiches. Adjust accordingly if you’re making more, but remember, less is more, or I’ll hate you.
-1 (very small) wedge of lemon (see above notes. We want the theory of lemon here).
-Freshly cracked black pepper (use a pepper grinder. Don’t have one? Buy one, you should have one anyway…. As far as an amount…. Um… like two-ish twists… again the suggestion of pepper is the idea).
-Butter (This is to put on the outside of the buns because they should be toasted).
OK ready? Pay close attention kids.
Heat a medium skillet over high heat.
Spread butter on both sides of your (New England style… gotta drive that point home) hot dog buns, and add to the pan.
Toast on both sides and set aside.
Take your shelled lobster meat (cut the tale into large chunks but leave those claws whole. They make for better presentation and looks matter bitches!).
Add in just enough mayonnaise to barely coat the lobster (again if it looks like it’s not enough it is).
Squeeze in a small splash of lemon juice from that tiny lemon wedge (sure you had to cut up a whole lemon for this because you sure as shit are not gonna use that squeezy garbage that comes in a bottle, don’t worry! It won’t go to waste! Use the rest for your gin martinis with a twist! Problem deliciously solved).
Add in your black pepper (that you just cracked in your fun new pepper mill!).
Toss so that all the ingredients are evenly distributed.
Fill those (sexy) toasted (New England style) hot dog buns and enjoy.
That. Is it! DO NOTHING ELSE!
DO NOT ADD CELERY. CELERY IS OF THE DEVIL!
DO NOT ADD CHEESE, YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT!
DO NOT ADD PICKELS OR RELISH!!! (although a pickle on the side is yummy).
You can add a little lettuce if you want, but ICEBERGE ONLY! And really it’s not even gonna make it better.
This is how we do lobster rolls in my neck of the woods. That is IT! Simple and delicious.
Enjoy!!!
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