(Because I’m SO lazy this week)
OK. So here is the thing. Sometimes I have great ideas. Sometimes those ideas are so easy that sharing the recipe may come across as insulting. Sometimes you want to make a dessert that LOOKS impressive, but you just “cant” that week.
This is one of those times.
I once saw Ina Garten make an icebox cake. She used cookies as a crust. She used whipped cream as the filling. It made the cookies all soft and cake-like. This got my brain working (which is a challenge for sure).
I mulled over many ideas (I used the word “mulled” in a sentence). They all sounded so good. Then finally one day, I discovered pistachio Oreo Thin cookies. The search was over. This was to be my crust!
(Queue dramatic victory music)
The next step was to decide on filling. Pistachio flavor whipped cream seemed like a good idea… but also expensive (nuts are not cheap people! And there is a joke in here somewhere but I’m just too lazy this week)… Oh! Did I mention how lazy I’m feeling? I mean like just SO lazy…
OK. Gird your loins (whatever the hell that means) kids! This one is gonna take all the work in all the land. … … …Psych! (Omg! Remember “psych!” wow... memories…).
NOTE: A quick google search has explained to me that “To gird one’s loins is to prepare and strengthen oneself for what is to come”. It is not at all profane like I assumed it was, unfortunately. It does mean that I used it correctly however and that, my friends, is a win.
Now that your loins are properly girded and the word “girded” is properly defined, here is what you will need.
-1 quart pistachio ice cream (you guys. You GUYS! Listen to me closely. Take a minute out, go to your local ice cream shop. The one that makes its own ice cream. The one that smells like homemade waffle cones. The one that you avoid at all costs because ice cream is a weakness for you and you don’t trust yourself while you’re there. Get your pistachio ice cream from this place. Yes. It’s going to cost more money. No, the pistachio ice cream is not neon green. Yes, that’s exactly how we want it. Yes, I’m being both controlling and condescending right now. No, I won’t apologize. It’s why you’re here and you know it).
-2 packages pistachio Oreo thins (They have these at most grocery stores. They have these at target. Buy three packages. You don’t need three for the recipe but you do need them in your life. And yes I MUST insist you get the pistachio flavored. Read the title would ya?).
-2 tbsp. mini chocolate chips (maybe you have them left over from that time I got you to make “cone”olies. Look at you all making my recipes n’ stuff. You’re adorable and I love you).
-2 tbsp. chopped salted pistachios (I never ended up adding these. This is optional. I figured it would be a nice touch. I forgot about them. Not one person said “ugh that bitch forgot the pistachios, this cake is ruined!” so It’s now optional).
And now we “assemble” like The Avengers (side note, this cake is as delicious to eat as Chris Evans is to look at).
NOTE: THERE IS NO PREHEATING REQUIRED! WE COOK NOTHING! …that doesn’t mean you get to start right away, we do need to soften the ice cream (it was silly of you to think it would be THAT easy. Sheesh. Do some work). The ride home from the ice cream shop may actually be enough time. We want it to be soft and spreadable but not melted.
In a spring-form pan (one of those things I assume you have purchased because of my cheese cake recipe but if you haven’t a pie dish or cake pan will suffice), layer the bottom and halfway up the sides (half a cookie works for the sides) with the first package of (pistachio flavored) Oreo thins. Break them apart and fill all the spaces you can. If you need to layer them a little, do it (they’re just cookies you guys, don’t let them beat you)!
Spread half the softened ice cream over the Oreo layer (trying your hardest to not just pour it all over your body because it’s so sexy and delicious), making sure to cover up all of the cookies underneath.
Take a rest because this is just SO much work. Sip some wine, stretch a little, you’re going to be OK I promise,
Layer the second package of (pistachio flavored because I need to drive this point home) Oreo thins the same way you did the first but not coming up on the sides this time. Reserve a few cookies to crush for topping (because I said so).
Spread the remaining pistachio ice cream over the top and marvel at its beauty (then marvel at your own beauty… or at the very least, marvel at MY beauty because I deserve it).
Crush up your remaining cookies and sprinkle over the top like delicious chocolate/pistachio confetti…
Sprinkle the 2 tbsp. mini chocolate chips on top
Decide if you feel like adding the chopped pistachios to the top and then do it or don’t to it depending on this decision….
If using the spring-form pan I told you about because it will allow you to remove the entire cake from and look so pretty for your Instagram photos, take a moment and put tinfoil on the bottom of the pan in case it leaks before it resets.
Also, I hate that I had to use the word leak in a recipe… that’s off-putting.
Cover with plastic wrap and place in the freezer for a few hours (I set mine over night because I made it in advance but then I had to let it sit a little before serving, which made my photo look melty sooooooo yeah…) to set.
Take a nap because this was the toughest recipe you ever had to make.
Ponder the fact that I fooled you into thinking this was a recipe... On second thought, don't.
Drizzle with chocolate sauce, top with whipped cream, stick your face in the pan and make out with it or serve as is.
Enjoy the crap out of it because you used real pistachio ice cream and not that weird neon green crap.
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