Because dough stuffed with stuff is delicious.
With the big sports-ball event on the horizon, I’m sure many of you find yourselves in the same position I am.
I do not care about football even a tiny bit.
I DO care very much about football related snacks.
And finally
There is an expectation that I prepare football related snacks for the big sports-ball event.
This past week, I stumbled upon one of the more perfect "sport-party" foods.
I’m going to share it with you now.
NOTE: It should be mentioned that the idea for the spinach and artichoke Stromboli was given to me by a very aggressively supportive and dear friend. The recipe itself however is ALL mine. I share zero credit there. It’s what a Condescending Control Freak does.
OK. Here we go! (Queue sport-esc whistle here)
Ingredients:
-1 tube of Pillsbury (or store brand) pizza dough (and no, I don’t feel this is lazy. Who the hell wants to bloom yeast and stuff?).
-2 (8 oz.) bricks of softened cream cheese (I would hope by now, you would know this means leave it out on the counter for a while but I just cannot safely assume you have learned this yet).
-1 package of frozen spinach (thawed and drained).
-1 can of artichoke hearts (drained and chopped. You can use frozen hearts here too. Artichoke hearts… not cold human hearts... like mine).
-4 oz. (half a bag) of shredded Italian cheese blend (you could buy all the fancy cheese individually and shred them yourself… I mean if you have a small fortune to spend, and all the time in the world to shred cheese).
-3 oz. shredded Parmesan cheese.
-The Juice of one small lemon (and again, if it’s not fresh, you’re breaking my heart).
-½ tsp. of salt.
-½ tsp. black pepper (or more if you’re feeling sassy).
-1 and ½ tsp. garlic powder.
-¼ tsp. crushed red pepper flake (don’t be scared of these. Just embrace the heat).
-1 tbsp. Olive Oil.
-A little more garlic powder for sprinkling.
Directions:
Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.
In a large bowl, mix the softened cream cheese with 4 oz. of shredded Italian cheese blend and the 3 oz. of Parmesan cheese (it’s OK to be emotionally overcome by the beauty of all of this cheese. That feeling is part of it. It enhances the flavor).
NOTE: This is easiest with a hand or stand mixer but is totally doable by hand. You’re strong and independent. You’ve got this. I believe in you.
Once the cheeses are all blended together, add in the spinach and mix.
NOTE: It’s super-crazy-important that you have completely thawed and drained the spinach or it will ruin the texture of your dip. Since I feel the need to control you, I am going to take this moment to strongly suggest that once the spinach has been defrosted (and I recommend doing this overnight so its room temp or cold. If you defrost it in the microwave it can get warm which can also effect the texture of the dip), place the spinach in a clean dry dishtowel and squeeze the hell out of it to get as much moisture out of it as possible (this is actually pretty cathartic).
Drain and chop the can of artichoke hearts and mix in as well.
Add the (FRESH) juice of 1 lemon.
Add in the ½ tsp. salt, ½ tsp pepper, 1 and ½ tsp. garlic powder and ¼ tsp. crushed red pepper and mix well, making sure everything is totally combined.
NOTE: You could place this in an oven safe dish and bake for about 15-20 minutes. You could serve this with pitas or chips and it would be amazing. BUT we’re gonna take this a step further. I need you to be ready for it.
Refrain from eating all of this with a spoon and place in the refrigerator to chill while you prepare the dough (which is just my pretentious way of saying “pop open that can of dough by whacking it against a counter).
On a parchment (or Silpat if you’re fancy like me) lined baking sheet spread out the dough to almost the size of your pan. If it starts to tear, just pinch it back together.
NOTE: It is easiest if you press the dough out from the middle until it’s the desired size.
Remove your spinach and artichoke dip from the refrigerator and spread in an even layer on top of your dough.
OK team, we’re gonna roll the Stromboli now. I’m going to do my best to describe it to you. I’m not going to do it justice. I’m sorry. You’re all smart people. You will figure it out. I just feel it in my bones.
Fold in the short sides of your rectangle (Oh! By the way, this dough should be shaped like a rectangle… oops!).
Starting at one end, roll the dough over itself two to three times, ending seam side down (I really hope this makes sense… If it doesn’t, maybe google it because I have failed you as a human. Then again, you’re an adult and you shouldn’t need me to hold your hand at this point).
Tuck in any ends that may have unraveled (like my mind has…).
Brush the outside of the dough with olive oil, and sprinkle with the remaining garlic powder.
Place the pan of Stromboli in the refrigerator for 10-15 minutes. This is an important step, because it keeps the dip from melting too much and oozing out of the dough.
Once the Stromboli has had time to chill, bake in the preheated oven for about 20 minutes until the dough is golden brown (kind of like the color of John Travolta’s fake tan in that OJ Simpson TV show).
WARNING! Allow to cool almost to room temperature before slicing, and serving! I learned this the hard way. You want to know what doesn’t feel awesome. Scalding hot cheese dip on your fingers. Just a little fun fact for you. Of course you could be into that sort of thing… Who are we to judge?
Serve this as is or with some pizza sauce for dipping.
You could also fill this dough with pepperoni and cheese or shredded buffalo chicken and cheese. Pretty much anything and cheese is going to work. The possibilities are endless (much like this post)!
So there you have it sports fans! Some kind of football snack food! We did it! Good Game!
GO LOCAL SPORTS TEAM!
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